Before
by CreativityFlow
Summary: suddenlyships requested: BluePulse Angst OR: Nightmares are nothing new to Bart, and it seems like he's never going to escape them.


**WARNING: Character suffering from PTSD, and this fic is heavily based on that fact. I tried to do some research, and used some knowledge from previous psychology classes, but if something seems off, or if I messed up on something, please let me know. I do not want to downplay PTSD, so if it seems that way, please tell me, and I will do what I can to fix it.**

* * *

It's the nightmares that do it.

When he was younger, when he first arrived, the nightmares didn't seem to be such a big problem. He was too busy trying to save the world, to save his grandfather, to save Jaime. He spent so much energy during the day, so much time prepping for the end of the world, that by the time he laid his head on the pillow, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Then, after the threat had passed, after the Reach had gone, it was Wally's death that plagued him at night. His cousin, who had taken care of him, who looked out for him before, in future, was gone. Dead.

Wearing the Kid Flash uniform helped, a little. He listened to Artemis, wore the red and yellow with pride, did his best to do Wally proud. So, slowly, eventually, he was able to move on. His cousin stopped haunting his dreams, and Bart thought it would be okay. The future he came from no longer existed, and he enjoyed spending time with friends and family he otherwise would have never met.

But then-

Then the nightmares came full force.

He constantly wakes in the middle of the night, struggling to breathe, fighting to blink back into reality, into the present. But it's hard, when the only thing on his mind is Jaime, when the only color he can see is blue, when the only thing he can hear is that deep voice, demanding he stand, demanding he return to work. It's so vivid, he can smell the ash in the air, he can feel the constant chill in his bones, can feel the shadow pass over his fallen form before-

Jaime notices almost immediately. He points out the bags under his eyes, brings attention to his constant on-guard state of mind.

Bart says he's fine, but slips into Black Canary's office when no one is looking. She tells him he has PTSD. She explains it's normal for someone who's gone through what he did. She gives him breathing exercises, suggests weekly sessions. He goes to every one of them.

When Black Canary mentions Jaime being part of the problem, Bart denies it, fights it, argues all the good Jaime has done, how he's been a solid presence since Bart first arrived. Afterall, Jaime was the one who held him as he cried at Wally's funeral, helped him adjust to the past, who helped him with his Spanish homework. He showed Bart how to live, with no fear of being punished, how to have _fun_.

But then they go on a mission. It takes longer than expected, and the squad had been running on fumes. When they finally reach the bioship, are finally in a safe place, Bart is so tired he falls asleep.

When he wakes, he's gasping for breath, like usual, and his teammates are huddled around him, asking a million questions and trying to get him to calm down.

But Jaime is still armored up. He's blue, his eyes are orange, and _he's right there_.

Bart screams. He can't move. People are yelling, yelling at Jaime. Someone takes hold of Bart's face, trying to turn him away from Blue Beetle, but his eyes are fixated.

 _It's me_ , Beetle is saying, the armor folding down to show his face, _it's me_.

And those words, they're so familiar, they were once reassuring. But now, Bart can't hardly focus on his friend's, his _partner's_ voice, because all he can see is _before_ , all he can see is the nightmares, the life he had had to endure.

It's the nightmares that tear them apart. Jaime avoids him, terrified of scaring Bart, and Bart avoids Jaime, unsure how to act around him.

Black Canary claims it'll get better. That, given time, the nightmares will ease.

Bart isn't sure he believes her. Actually, he thinks it's getting worse. Blue Beetle and Kid Flash aren't placed on the same squads anymore, and Bart knows there's no way around it.

The nightmares drive them apart, and there's no way back.


End file.
